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NAKED ATTRACTION

IN YOUR SKIN

I have told this story so many times, it’s probably a lot easier to write it down on here.
So, late 2017 I was about to finish my business course and started getting bored of the same old day to day and the fairy regular hospital appointments. I was on the website to apply for tv shows on channel 4, ITV etc. I had applied for the cube a few times, as well as Who wants to be a millionaire that had just restarted with Jeremy Clarkson. I had probably applied 4-5 by that point and hadn’t even got an email response. I just figured there was certain criteria I didn’t match. My Dad mentions something about with Hull being in its own network (KCOM) that TV shows don’t like to include us.
Still there it was, Be on Naked attraction. Now I had been single a while by that point after. Just a quick thing with a very toxic woman. But to be totally truthful. I applied simply because I thought 1. I’m never going to hear from them and 2. It would be quite funny to tell my friends I was rejected from Naked attraction too. I remember being sat in waterstone café telling Alice what I had done. Quite rightly she looked at me as if I had gone mad. Oops.
A few weeks went by and I was still going into hospital to place NG tubes, looking after my Dog Bo, and generally trying to maintain what little weight I had. That’s when I got email from the casting team asking me if I would like to audition. They would pay for me to come to Manchester, do a short interview and get me lunch. How could I say no, I wasn’t in shape but what a laugh that would be? I think I told my parents I was doing an event with Clarion. So, I agreed, and they explained that the interview will be in two parts. Generally laid back with a male and female asking questions and the full thing would be filmed for the producers. Oh, and I’d have to fill in a form. Now this form was definitely an indicator of how weird the rest of my experience was going to be.
The form basically consisted of how you would describe your body type. I guess it was to ensure it was to make it easier to help match later on…and to stop guys saying they are built like terry from Brooklyn- Nine Nine and turning up to the interview built like Charles. The questions were straight forward. Basic background, bit about me, why I wanted to go on the show etc (at this point I just said it was because I was single for a while, I wasn’t convinced id get on). Then they needed measurements of EVERYTHING. Height, Weight, foot size, shoulder width, arm length….and then penis size. LENGTH AND GIRTH, FLACCID AND ERECT! When I tell you, I have never been so uncomfortable alone in my own flat walking off to the bedroom with a tailors’ measuring tape haha.
So, off I went I know Manchester really well through work and karate tournaments. Now I got to media city and was greeted and sent to a waiting room with another guy. He was with his friend, she wanted to give him moral support. We didn’t talk long before I got sent in. I was then greeted by two attractive women, apparently the guy was off sick so it would be these two instead. Sure, no problem, I’m not shy around women. We then just got chatting first about the show and then for some reason the Show New girl, I think. That’s when they said. Great now go to the corner and get your kit off. Oh yeah. The second part of the interview was totally naked. Now I’m fairly comfortable naked. With my CF my chest can get really hot so in my own home I’m usually topless…at least, But it’s totally different having a normal conversation with two strange women that would every so often stop so they can film close ups of various bits and bobs. I explained I was having surgery in a few weeks so I wouldn’t have a nasal tube in. Unfortunately, that surgery ended up being really poor timing later on.

I went home still not any the wiser they actually wanted me for the show. It was even a few weeks after that that I got the second call. I was in Hull Royal (my local hospital) when it happened. Ryan, they loved you!! They shouted down the phone. Oh shit. Erm I’m not exactly looking my best, my weight had dropped again. I asked if it were too late to back out or, out of curiosity, what colour Pod I would have, she said “no, we want you to choose. Get your story out there.” I explained I was having surgery a few days but should be fine timing wise…I was wrong. But I agreed. The fact Id only be naked for a few minutes and I could save myself the embarrassment of not being chosen really helped. Right, I have 12 weeks to get into shape. That’s when the surgeon informed me that this initial tube thing had to be in 12 weeks before it could be changed to the small button, I thought I was getting. Bastard.
They have established I was choosing to it was time to ask me what I’m into. This would be the most bizarre phone call I have ever had. We are going to work our way up the body and you tell me what your preference is. I’ve never gone off looks alone before, so this is new to me. She said let’s start with the feet, do you like feet? Erm not really but I’m not one of those that is disgusted by the mere look of them. Legs, are you a leg guy? At this point I thought I’d be clever. I have zero problem with a woman’s size, but I have known women that when dating guys thinner than them, it makes them self-conscious and generally feeling shit about their looks. So, I thought if I say strong athletic legs, I they might give me smaller, thinner women instead. We finished with the body and it came to disabilities etc. Are you ok with amputees? Sure. Wheelchairs? No problem. MS, Diabetes, Blind, deaf…? I stopped her and explained that I can’t date someone with CF or if they would spend the majority of time in hospital as at the time my health was pretty bad, I wouldn’t be able to visit. That being said, I explained, if you give me a blind, deaf, amputee with learning difficulties, in a wheelchair I’d rather not have a date as the poor dear has been through enough to have to go on a date with me.
It was later that autumn that the film crew came to film my introduction scenes. I needed a couple of friends willing to be on TV, some locations for filming and maybe a few ideas for different intros. Now I had a few close friends but non that wanted to be on that show and I’m not getting my brothers on, Thankfully Adam came to the rescue, at the time he was my closet guy friend. We spoke a bit about what I’m like around women and they asked him why I was single. The sweet fella said the only thing he could think of was “he’s too nice”. That was the hook they needed. They escorted him off to do a more in-depth interview without me there. Just in case he wanted to say something like “He sing too much and dances when he’s pissed” or “he’s actually got a tiny willy”. To be fair, to this day I still don’t know what he said. Either way the crew came back with a big smile and an idea.
Ryan, do you know any women that would want to be filmed? We are going to film a date, oh and we need a cute dog too. It was hard enough to get Adam on here let alone a dog. Thankfully, the owner of the pub had a chihuahua and was only a couple of years older than me. The film guy explained the plan. I’m going to enter the pub dressed as the typical “good guy”, complete with suit, flowers, and a puppy for good measure. She was then told to roll her eyes and that’s when I was due to return as “THE BAD BOY” hahahahahaha…. pause for breath…..hahahahha. That’s right leather jacket thrown over the shoulder, shades on indoors and hair back, the lot.

The next day for some reason he told me we need to film another intro. Just in case. Why was I not believable as a convincing bad boy? Don’t answer that. Only trouble is me and Adam had some celebratory drinks…and I was not film ready. If you look at the episode now you can kinda tell. We ended up doing the typical reality TV “look I have some sort of struggle” that, despite my dismay, was a running theme though out. We then had to the usual filler scenes. Slow-mo run over the bridge, dancing behind random trees, dramatic look over marina and a random workout session in my karate gear. I was a little disappointed they cut Adam from the intro and used most of the filler stuff. I can still hear George Ezra’s Paradise, although I found it ironic, they chose that song considering I live in ‘ull haha.

So, at around 11 weeks later, and yet another hospital stay later, it came to the days for filming. Now we don’t really get paid for going on there, but they said we can get “extras” by that we get transport, £50 for the date each and teeth whitening and a spray tan. Not me but it was free and to be honest if I would help, I’m not going to turn my nose up at it. Funny side story about the spray tan. They booked me in at a different place they usually take contestants. I guess its so they can get a full body spray. Not here I went in escorted by a woman, they said I’d get a guy for the, erm intimate parts they were going to spray. Nope, we got started and I asked erm what are we doing about my boxers? She looked at me like I just asked her what her weight was to the closest amount of Danny Devitos. Bewildered but mostly disgusted. So apologised and I kept my mouth shut after that.

The teeth whitening wasn’t the best move either, they look even bigger then normal. Now I love my rabbit teeth, but I don’t show them off. I was Instructed to bring 5 outfits and that I would also be on hold if someone backed out last minute.

I remember being sat in the restaurant next door to my hotel and I woman walked in alone and sat behind me. I didn’t pay any attention of it. Shortly after a guy came in and sat in front of me. Every so often he would glance and smile at me. I was flattered but I’m straight. Eventually, he came over and said I’m sorry this is going to sound really weird but are you to on a TV show? I thought I’d wind him up and ask which one. He instantly replied with if you’re asking, we all know which show haha. We ended up chatting. He was Called Derry; he was pretty wealthy looking for a partner after his divorce and she was called Millie. She was from Cornwall and was kinda sick of the usual surfer dudes in her area. She had just finished filming her part and was due to have her date the next morning. She walked us through a lot of the procedures and told us that the people in the pods have to stay in a different hotel on the side so we wouldn’t accidently bump into each other before filming. We were near old Trafford, a place I went to visit while I was waiting as my Dad and brother Alex are big Man U fans.

Its time, off I went to the studio. I was put in a room with the runner (she was in charge of showing me around, getting me food and drink, sort my clothes out etc) and the producer. We talked about what we would discuss what Anna would talk about during filming so there’s not too many surprises. We sorted out my wardrobe. I was told to bring 5 outfits. They have to be really careful with them as they can’t really show brands or some designs like close stripes because they mess with the camera. In the end the only things that were mine was my jeans and my shoes. The pink t-shirt was actually a large, but they pegged it at the back covered by the jacket to make it look right.

Then it was time to get hair and makeup done then onto set. Now the women in the pods had already been inn there a while. Simply so I didn’t see them in the hallways or something. I know this is going to be a typical guy response, but the women had asked for the blowers on, so they don’t get too hot being surrounded by massive 8-foot lights. Didn’t help me especially being nervous as is.

Here’s a top tip if you want to get drunk. Have a sip every time I do a nervous laugh. They edited the show so much they could at least cut some of them out haha.

The show got started and it came to eliminating the first woman. At this point I had zero preference. Although Anna explained before filming that sometimes some stick out more than others either in a positive or negative way so for the audience at home try and make it more of a game for them. So, eliminate them in a way that doesn’t give it away. I hate to objectify anyone but at this point they was just six lower bodies. I knew nothing of the person, plus if I was to go on looks, I’m a sucker for dimples, eyes, and a warm smile. So, I literally did Eeny Meeny (yes that’s how its spelt on google). I remember it being a lovely Scottish woman with the really stupid reason of “she might not be as confident” SHES NAKED ON TV?? Anyway, moving on. Next, I chose orange for much the same reason. I had no preference yet. I think my excuse was something about no tattoos. Blank slate. To be fair I still stand by that. You could find out a lot about a person by their inc. if they had respect written incorrectly across their chest. The birthdates of their 15 kids and live laugh love written anywhere, probably not my type.

Next, they can finally see me. Now I was already a bit flustered with Anna going off script and asking how many people I have slept with. I panicked and said 5. To be honest if only 4. A number I’m yet to increase at the time of writing this. At this point the woman in the green pod, Keighley kinda fit my description the most. I chose to eliminate blue. Who, until re-watching the show for notes on writing this I thought was much older than she was. There was a 9-year gap though I was only 24 at the time. I used the excuse she was too intimidating; I just didn’t have the hear to say you’re closer to my mum’s age. I was taken aback when it came to her leaving the pod. Anna had the voice in her ear asking when is best to get someone to come on and help her out the pod. There seemed to be a bog discussion about the logistics of it, but I didn’t see why I can’t just do it myself. I told anna I’m happy to do it but made out like I just said I’m going to donate a kidney. It really wasn’t as big deal. Although it earnt me the title Nations sweetheart in my local paper haha. See nice guy.

I can finally hear them speak. Get to know about them a little. We spoke about accents. I really love a good accent. Especially something like the southern American accent, or some Irish dialects. W asked Keighley if she had an accent, she said no but I can do an Austrian accent. When I tell you, she sounded the double of kiosk Keith from I’m a celeb. I was in hysterics we instantly have a good connection. She had a great sense of humour. So, I chose her in my head. Yes, is the total opposite of the point of the show but I always wanted a strong connection in any relationship. I still do.

I eliminated purple/pink for an actually legitimate reason though. At the time I was still trying to gain weight orally and I was eating upwards of 6000kcal a day. That really wouldn’t have worked. I’m eating less now I can maintain my weight easier but still.

Oh no, now its time to get naked on national television. Now comes the final awkwardly bizarre thing of the whole experience. Taking my clothes off the chill in the room hits you like a brick. I asked about the heaters, but they said the size of the studio it wouldn’t warm up in time, then they said, and I quote “its ok the majority of guys have little play with themselves before they go on” What?! There is no way I’m going out sporting a semi. The extra inch or so will be a pleasant surprise to anyone that sees it on a normal day.

So, it came to the final two. Jess was lovely but I had already chosen by that point. Keighley had informed me after the date that may have been a good choice as Jess had a crazy ex apparently who wasn’t too pleased with her going on the show. I made my choice and as soon as we went behind the black curtain, we were escorted off separately so the first time we would see each other was on the date itself.

That turned out to be bit of a problem. We were supposed to meet the next evening at a bar/ restaurant. But shortly after I got off set Hull Royal rang and said I need to be back tomorrow for the surgery to place the button because the surgeon was starting a few weeks on leave. I tried negotiating to no avail. I had to be back by 3 the next day. Strangely enough, that was 3 years ago to the day on the 24th of May. Thankfully, the restaurant agreed to open especially for us. So instead of a date in a nice bar with plenty of people around, music, and atmosphere. It was me, the film crew, the 2 bar men and her. Great.

Overall, the date went well. I wasn’t the most comfortable, not just due to the situation but because in a few hours’ I’d be having minor surgery. I nearly missed my train and had to dash off. I paid for our drinks and headed off. Hence the awkward goodbye. I literally got off the train back in hull, walked round the corner to Hull Royal and was in pre-op within less than an hour. The surgery went fine. I didn’t need putting to sleep or anything.

We spoke on and off, but she lived near Brighton. At the time I wasn’t driving so the distance was an issue. We agreed to be friends, but we did have a date after we finished filming the catch-up section.

We still stay in touch she’s married with a beautiful little lad. Definitely worked out great. Ill tell her you all said hi if you leave a comment haha.

As for me since the show. 6-8 million people have seen me naked. My episode has appeared internationally, is on catch up and is even on PornHub. Whilst I still haven’t found love, I have met some wonderful people as a result of the show. Charlene who messaged me on Facebook, Becca who adopted me after finding me alone in a smoking area of a nightclub. Holding a jug of tequila and generally having my own little party and more.

I even watched the debut showing of my episode on the ward of hull royal. One of the nurses didn’t believe me. So we ended up with it on all the TVs in empty rooms. Pretty weird but still.

I still get messages from people with Cf telling me that I inspired them. That was all I wanted from the show. At the time of filming. I wasn’t in good shape, the tan highlighted my scars and small frame, and my chest was enlarged from poor lung function, but still. It kills me seeing how the world and society brings down beautiful, amazing people, men and women and make them ashamed of their scars, stretch marks, birthmarks, skin conditions, their size of their body and body parts. Enough, if I can go on national TV and get naked then they might feel a little more comfortable in their own skin.

It reminds me of a Quote on Dr. who. Amy Pond says “You know when sometimes you meet someone, so beautiful and then you actually talk to them, and 5 minutes later they are as dull as a brick. Then there’s other people and you meet them, and you think. Not bad, they’re ok and then you get to know them and face just sort of, becomes them. Like their personality is written all over it. And they just turn into something beautiful.”

I feel in today’s world people forget that type of beauty. The beauty of the collective. Its more unique than looks alone. I think scientifically and psychologically speaking there is a textbook definition of features that make some one look beautiful. But in philosophy we are aware of a thing called qualia something that can’t be explained it appears in art and science and I feel it’s when qualia are formed in person their beauty is so much more special.

I got into a small argument about this a few times with a woman. I had gotten to know her nearly as well as myself. It wasn’t a conscious decision. Some reason they things she told me about her life, dreams, passions, and interests just stuck. She was a wealth of qualia. She was also beautiful. I tried to describe her eyes a few times, but I haven’t been able to write my thoughts into words at the best of times let alone describing basically the essence that has its entire own branch of philosophy.

To be she was beyond beautiful the person who she was written on her face and body, I could see it so clearly. But when I told her she would say she was “quirky at best”. That killed me. How can someone so wonderful say that? I was stuck with the mundane adjectives. So, I tried to remind her as often as I could in hopes it might sink in, but it didn’t work. She was stubborn but I guess words don’t really mean much in the grand scheme of things. I didn’t really get the chance to show her through actions.

I can’t say it has always been happiness after the show. A guy messaged me, he had Cf and wasn’t doing too good. We spoke for a few months then we lost touch. I found out shortly after he had passed away. He was a good man.

I hope if anyone is reading this that you will not only start to see the beauty in the lives around us. In the people we care about and also in ourselves. Remember even if you don’t like who you are your still a whole person with your own passions, interests, hopes and dreams. You are beautiful. Don’t let society tell you different.