I'm sorry

I blew up at tee again yesterday via text. I believe she "accidentally" called me while with him and it hurt.

The weird thing about this whole situation is tee being in therapy and building a relationship with another guy, that for all I know could be a good person, was exactly what I hoped for in mid January. That was when I was most conflicted about the relationship. The only reason it's so hard for me is because I pictured my life without her. Yes it was going to be a lot easier but it didn't seem like a life. I struggle with the necessity of doing my meds simply to just exist the next day to do it again. But when I was with tee I knew part of it would still be with her and it made it better.

Then by my birthday seeing everyone together I had made my mind up and was willing to marry her. I fought hard for that relationship. I faught off the doubts to fight for her. That's why it hurt so much when it became apparent she didn't want to fight for me.

If we was in this situation in January I would have been hurt but happy for her.

Deep down I still am. I need to grow and work on myself. I don't think I can be friends with her because if she would have wanted to be friends she would have asked to see me and nova at least once without it concerning Tigger.

Tee thinks I've been spreading shit about her and I haven't. I have told 4 people about the struggles I've been going through and how tee actions have hurt me. That's it. I have specifically told people it is what it is and I don't want there to be any awkwardness or feelings in between our friends and us. Its not personal and I know tee has known many of them well before they knew me.

I'm not going to be talking with her again and I'm still hurt over some of the stuff she's done. But at least now she can go and find someone that loves her just as much as I did. She deserves the world but im not the one to give it to her. If and when you see her about please support her. She needs it more than me.

Take care x