Thank you everyone

Wow, there's been so many views on here since the tiktok.

Thank you all for coming on here. I've got to be honest its a weird feeling. For years this has been more of a diary that I thought was getting stalked by an ex. While that was conflicting, it was both comforting and concerning, but I found it to still be a good outlet for my thoughts and feelings I thought nobody really was going to see.

I've posted about my anxiety about death. Some life goals and short comings but I always try to stay positive. Not out of looking strong for you guys. But because I wanted to be strong for myself. It's totally unhealthy to have these negative thoughts and feelings bottled up so this was my outlet. (So if anyone was wondering why I'm usually so upbeat. It's because I got it out my system in the early hours where I can't sleep so I either post on here or write a draft version before posting it the next day.)

That and some of the people closest to me don't want to hear me talking about my passing. They without a doubt want to support me with anything but this isn't fair on them. I spoke to tee about it once or twice but she would visibly get upset and then panic and start feeding me extra food and making sure I do my meds etc. There's been two people in the world that could relate. There's beth but she's going through her own crap and J.

J didn't have cf but I could speak honestly and openly to her about anything. Thats why I would write my blog posts sometimes like I was talking to her. Even though I knew she wouldn't talk back. I even found out it wasn't even her reading the blog all these years. As I explained in a recent post pretending I was talking to someone like that was a big part of what was helping. But I can see why some people would see that as me still having feelings for her. I care for her and want her to be well but that's as far as it goes.

It's nice you all get to see me as I really am and not just the happy go lucky side. And I swear I am doing ok.

I always find a way to find the good or make the best of a bad situation.

Thank you all again guys. If you look around the main pages of the blog. Like the movie recommendations or song lyric interpretations they will be featured in my book. I'm about half way through the final edit (I hope. I might do another read or two).

Take care everyone x