The bigger picture
Hi everyone, after a recent complaint I have had to go through all my blog posts individually to look for certain references to an individual. I hadn't known I was close to nearly 100. I have edited a few and deleted a lot, usually just little ones back when I thought J was reading it asking if she wanted to reach out etc.
Anyway the individual mentioned that I have been struggling which is only partly true. The reason I am writing this is because I wanted to give a bit of perspective.
As those of you that have been reading it from the beginning (maybe 2-3 of you) you may remember this was a blog written to help me manage a break up. I didn't handle it well and a therapist recommended it. I only made it public because I thought the only people that would read it are people close enough to know it even existed in the first place. As I didn't really advertise it at the time. But after getting the idea that the woman involved in the break up was reading it I changed the whole site to be about my CF and that got turned into the book. The blog posts themselves have still acted as an outlet for when I'm down, struggling or trapped ruminating on something. I didn't mind it because very few people read them.
I wanted to point out this is just one side of my life. You don't see the good things or the happy times I've experienced over the last few years. I may have posted the odd one or two positive posts but more often than not im just happy being in the moment and enjoying the good times.
Over the last few years I have worked really hard on setting boundaries, and finally getting that self respect. The individual mentioned "a pattern of losing or failing relationships and friendships" and that I should look at my own actions to see if I am the cause of these. I did have to laugh a bit at the irony because it was through therapy and positive changes Ive made that has lead me to remove people from my life not poor behaviour. In some cases in recent months interventions from my other ex and medical issues has lead to me being single as long as I have. Im certainly no saint and I accept that it is something I have been working on since I was 15. This may have been apparent is the individual ever listened, or even read my book. A lot of feedback I had from people that have read the full thing was I was too hard on myself at times.
Anyway this isn't a post about that individual. I just wanted to say Im happy with my life and have no regrets. It might not be perfect but whose is?
I noticed someone else may be reading this from the past. As a little check up because im also really bad to posting updates on tiktok too 😅 but I think that person would want me to have that light back. I think it was who I was before lockdown when everything got messy even with the overall health improvements. Typically the world has gone to pieces now that im healthy and wealthy enough to enjoy it properly 🤣
Erm yeah. That's it really, things are a lot better than they appear when you're just looking through my blog. I recommend my tiktok. I rarely post on there either but at least I seem a lot less miserable 🤣 although my brother was right working a 9-5 does also suck. Im always sleepy.
Oh and one last thing because I know she's gunna read this and is secretly hoping for a shout out again. Hi Sam (I should probably call you S because the way things go on here 😅) im really enjoying our time together and once I have my daily routine and potential job changes sorted we can sort out our hard launch. Im not just putting it off for the fun of it. Fingers crossed it won't be much longer
Thats all from me guys. Hope you're all happy and healthy and have your own healthy outlet for when things get hard. Im very grateful I have amazing friends and family around me. Here have a little listen to this the lyrics are quite fitting.
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